the door opened and I am on the threshold of something big...
So in tonight's concert I had a real moment of clarity and I am feeling anxious to try to get it put down so that I can keep at least some of the understanding I felt so keenly.... I was sitting on stage while the orchestra around me was playing a big choral movement I wasn't in and I was watching the conductor who no-one much likes and I suddenly got this big flash of understanding about the interconnectedness of everything and how everything affects everything else and is part of everything else...my thought process was sparked by my trying to understand this guy more; why so many people dislike him.. and I thought I must aim to love him or at least have some compassion for him and then I moved to thinking about his mother and her love for him regardless of his character and then I thought of him as a tiny baby and saw how people love and accept babies but as they grow into adults they are more and more marginalised by the people around them into being liked or disliked.....and then I realised that this means that criminals were once babies that would have been accepted and adored but were in some way failed by society and so became disfunctional beings that were utterly not accepted and ignored rather than adored. So then I realised that that meant that I, as part of society, am therefore responsible in some small part for the behaviour of every criminal and in their having been let down by the communities they live in. Which is an idea I have heard many times but never really understood before. And this in turn got me thinking about how who we are is so strongly related to how we are perceived that we are not able to stand alone as beings and therefore we must be part of each other and consequently part of everything that exists. That wasn't the end of it but that's all I can untangle for now...it is hard to put understanding of things into words sometimes but I like to try to do it as I think it helps me consolidate what I have been thinking. I think the way I have written this sounds like it is such a small thing but it is actually huge. I am excited. I am going to go to bed now to ponder on what I have realised and to try to begin to understand the consequences of it.......
posted by raven at 9:54 pm
4 Comments:
Hey raven, this does sound like a really big, intense moment, it sounds good, the kind of thing that could lead to lasting happiness and contentment... I feel similar sometimes when I get this strange, almost out-of-body feeling where the world just passes right through me - then there's no sense of separation from anything. But your thoughts sound a lot more rational and logical - so far for me it's really remained a kind of ecstatic feeling and it's hard to appropriate it into thought/words.
(p.s. if you could bear comedy and humour to be entwined with these kinds of reflections then I recommend watching I ♥ Huckabees - maybe you'll find it too glib... but I think it's interesting. Would love to know what you think.)
IS, I did watch Huckabees a while back...I think I may have posted something about it on the mediaplay blog. I enjoyed the film immensely and there is an element of it in my experience certainly. I have been reading so much really quite heavy philosophy recently that I am no longer sure sometimes whether my thoughts are my own....this WAS my experience though and so I am deliberately trying to find my own consequent train of thought from my intense relisation rather than subscribe to an existing movement. What I am trying to say is that I am resisting comparing my ideas to existentialism or Buddhism or any other ism until I have found out what I truly think myself (if I can)....blah blah blah!
we need more IS blog.
anonymous....thanks for posting and caring enough to take the time. I'm not sure if it is because you are anonymous or because you are quite dogmatic-sounding but you frighten me a little. (in the nicest possible way) Could you identify yourself and explain how you are so sure of your beliefs? You would be less intimidating then.....
I just went back and re-read your comments on mediagoplay in relation to Huckabees. I'm glad you saw and liked it! I will try to blog more, it is good for the soul. And it's actually kind of nice re-reading old posts too...
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