abridged wondering...
I can't tell you how happy I am to have a tiny little window of time just to myself....the baby bird is in bed, my husband is out working, I am at home and nobody or nothing is making any demands on me right now. Bliss. I don't have to do anything for anyone else - just sit here and blog to my hearts content and not speak to anyone about anything. This is the very first time I have had a moment to myself since my magpie post....no exaggeration either. Working away is SO hard. Anyway. I'm enjoying this moment....
So firstly I feel I need to use my blog space as a bit of a confessional. I strayed from my wholesome attempts at ethical-ity and for no reason other than vanity of all stupid things. Bad. I bought a very unethical shampoo and conditioner and it was purely because I know that the product makes my hair look more shiny and fuller. The minute I got it home I felt ridiculous about it - what sort of commitment is that really when I put the state of my flipping hair above the state of the earth. I know it's not worth getting too bothered about as an act on it's own but it was my lack of commitment in favour of vanity that suprised and annoyed me. I have learnt my lesson though and won't do it again.
Secondly, I want to say - particularly to Robin - that I have come to understand something more about meditation and truth and have realised how I do tend to grasp at things I feel are important when I see them clearly and how I have a habit of clinging to negativity as well. I think this realisation will help me to move on a bit and grow more peaceful....I have found it hard being away from home for so long this time without the voice of calm that is my husband and with the slightly negative feelings I have had surrounding this last batch of work but I think I am learning to let my mind open up and slow down which can really help.
Next, I wanted to share my amazing experience at the osteopath recently... I have taken the baby bird a few times as it is often suggested that traumatic and invasive birth can have a lasting effect on small children and when baby bird was having problems with her digestive system it really did seem to help her - although I had no idea what it was they were actually doing(!) - (as it was the treatment combined with the realisation that she is allergic to cow's milk sorted her out totally). When I went myself with a really bad back the effect it had on me was incredible - I recommend it to anyone with any kind of pain. It did make me realise however, that in taking care of everyone else and working so much I have neglected my own body a bit and I am quite exhausted both physically and mentally.
I took the baby bird to the sea recently with my mother... I do have some photos but they're not on my computer yet. She loved it more than I could have thought - as I approached the sea with her she started squealing in delight and when she got to the water she just waded in right up to her neck pretty much without caring about the waves or the temperature. It was totally beautiful and I can't wait to take her again this weekend. I know she liked water - she's always in the paddling pool and we go swimming three or four times a week but her reaction to the sea was so much more excited. I'm so happy about it as I love going in the sea too and feel I can understand her glee and share it with her.
I'm too tired to post about my mother in detail as I had said I would. I have been staying with her while we have been away so she could look after the baby bird for me. I find it tiring even though she is marvellous and perfect with her granddaughter....This time however I realised for the first time why it is that I find it so hard to have a good relationship with her. I don't think I can post about it although I would like to - partly in case she ever read it and partly because I maybe need to think about it more first. I don't know....hmm.
And finally, drums. When I was really pondering them it was during a concert and I was really feeling the primal pull of a steady deep drumbeat. It felt like the essence of human urges and was a very powerful feeling. I wanted to celebrate man's ability to express himself since prehistoric times through sound/music on my blog but couldn't. Now I can it doesn't feel the right time but I have mentioned it at least.
So that's it for right now. It's all been a bit abridged but I feel like I have shared at least a bit of what I have wanted to blog about recently...right now I want to just sit and enjoy my time to myself while I have it.
(oh, and I've been reading lots of Chomsky and have learnt so much. He is a hero and I want to read everything he has ever written...)
So firstly I feel I need to use my blog space as a bit of a confessional. I strayed from my wholesome attempts at ethical-ity and for no reason other than vanity of all stupid things. Bad. I bought a very unethical shampoo and conditioner and it was purely because I know that the product makes my hair look more shiny and fuller. The minute I got it home I felt ridiculous about it - what sort of commitment is that really when I put the state of my flipping hair above the state of the earth. I know it's not worth getting too bothered about as an act on it's own but it was my lack of commitment in favour of vanity that suprised and annoyed me. I have learnt my lesson though and won't do it again.
Secondly, I want to say - particularly to Robin - that I have come to understand something more about meditation and truth and have realised how I do tend to grasp at things I feel are important when I see them clearly and how I have a habit of clinging to negativity as well. I think this realisation will help me to move on a bit and grow more peaceful....I have found it hard being away from home for so long this time without the voice of calm that is my husband and with the slightly negative feelings I have had surrounding this last batch of work but I think I am learning to let my mind open up and slow down which can really help.
Next, I wanted to share my amazing experience at the osteopath recently... I have taken the baby bird a few times as it is often suggested that traumatic and invasive birth can have a lasting effect on small children and when baby bird was having problems with her digestive system it really did seem to help her - although I had no idea what it was they were actually doing(!) - (as it was the treatment combined with the realisation that she is allergic to cow's milk sorted her out totally). When I went myself with a really bad back the effect it had on me was incredible - I recommend it to anyone with any kind of pain. It did make me realise however, that in taking care of everyone else and working so much I have neglected my own body a bit and I am quite exhausted both physically and mentally.
I took the baby bird to the sea recently with my mother... I do have some photos but they're not on my computer yet. She loved it more than I could have thought - as I approached the sea with her she started squealing in delight and when she got to the water she just waded in right up to her neck pretty much without caring about the waves or the temperature. It was totally beautiful and I can't wait to take her again this weekend. I know she liked water - she's always in the paddling pool and we go swimming three or four times a week but her reaction to the sea was so much more excited. I'm so happy about it as I love going in the sea too and feel I can understand her glee and share it with her.
I'm too tired to post about my mother in detail as I had said I would. I have been staying with her while we have been away so she could look after the baby bird for me. I find it tiring even though she is marvellous and perfect with her granddaughter....This time however I realised for the first time why it is that I find it so hard to have a good relationship with her. I don't think I can post about it although I would like to - partly in case she ever read it and partly because I maybe need to think about it more first. I don't know....hmm.
And finally, drums. When I was really pondering them it was during a concert and I was really feeling the primal pull of a steady deep drumbeat. It felt like the essence of human urges and was a very powerful feeling. I wanted to celebrate man's ability to express himself since prehistoric times through sound/music on my blog but couldn't. Now I can it doesn't feel the right time but I have mentioned it at least.
So that's it for right now. It's all been a bit abridged but I feel like I have shared at least a bit of what I have wanted to blog about recently...right now I want to just sit and enjoy my time to myself while I have it.
(oh, and I've been reading lots of Chomsky and have learnt so much. He is a hero and I want to read everything he has ever written...)
posted by raven at 6:08 pm
3 Comments:
Hi Raven,
time to yourself to write and think is pretty elusive with a little one . . . . . now, i go every year to spend a few days in solo retreat, but with babies, the focus is so much on their needs. . . which of course has a sweetness and wonder and as you give and give and give more than you ever thought you had in you, you learn about new edges to your experience and "self." I realize now what a spiritual journey that is, but sometimes when my children were little I just felt so exausted and overwhelmed.
I've just been reading a book "loving what is." Some parts of it seems a bit packaged and corny, but the overall sense of seeing our storylines and how they create suffering is pretty interesting. It's not Buddhist, but it gives some clear questions that help see through our judgements.
Anyway - I'm off to alpine meadows today. The flowers are supposed to be spectacular with all our spring rain. Hope you and baby bird and partner can come this way some time! Robin
P.S. I wasn't the "anonymous" who posted that discussion after you had your dissolving into everything moments . . . . . .
sorry robin - I made an assumption...I should have known as your writing is not so forthright.
Alpine medows sound perfect. I would like to be there...
meAdows
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