bad dreams
Apologies for being so absent to those who care... first we kept losing our internet conection as we're in the process of changing provider and it's all a bit tits up at the moment, and mainly I've been feeling terrible with the cold (flu?) from hell and not so good morning sickness that lasts pretty much all day and night. Which I've found hard when I've been looking after the baby bird who has had the same really nasty cold too. Anyway we're pretty much snot-free now and only a small racking cough lingers....as does the sickness and the extreme fatigue. blah blah.
We had our second meeting with the other midwife last week - the people we have chosen to employ work in a pair and we see them alternately so we know them both well and we get two slightly different approaches to our situation - and two minds to help with the birth! She was just as lovely as the first one and just as grounded and wholesome. She described me as 'low-risk' which pleases me as if I were to go through the nhs I would automatically be classed as 'high-risk' just because of the scar on my uterus. That doesn't exactly instill confidence in a person....and actually the stats. for scars rupturing during labour are something like 0.5%. Hardly a major concern really then. However, even with the nice midwives being totally confident about our situation and them being really happy for me to be vegan I am having terrible dreams about all sorts of ridiculous things going wrong. I really want to stop them as I think the power of positive thinking is strong - so the power of negative thoughts must be strong too but I seem to have all sorts of concerns deep in my subconscious. How can I actually get through to find out what I really deeply feel when I am so aware of myself that I seem to block myself off or something or second guess myself or whatever?? come on psych girl - help me out...
We had our second meeting with the other midwife last week - the people we have chosen to employ work in a pair and we see them alternately so we know them both well and we get two slightly different approaches to our situation - and two minds to help with the birth! She was just as lovely as the first one and just as grounded and wholesome. She described me as 'low-risk' which pleases me as if I were to go through the nhs I would automatically be classed as 'high-risk' just because of the scar on my uterus. That doesn't exactly instill confidence in a person....and actually the stats. for scars rupturing during labour are something like 0.5%. Hardly a major concern really then. However, even with the nice midwives being totally confident about our situation and them being really happy for me to be vegan I am having terrible dreams about all sorts of ridiculous things going wrong. I really want to stop them as I think the power of positive thinking is strong - so the power of negative thoughts must be strong too but I seem to have all sorts of concerns deep in my subconscious. How can I actually get through to find out what I really deeply feel when I am so aware of myself that I seem to block myself off or something or second guess myself or whatever?? come on psych girl - help me out...
posted by raven at 7:17 pm
1 Comments:
Thanks Haesel,
I have been educating myself thoroughly - it's always what I do first when I don't feel comfortable with something. In fact people laugh at me coz they keep finding books in my car or by the loo called 'natural birth after cesarean' or other such imaginative titles. I am not doing anything to put my safety at risk at all. I am sure of that. But I just don't like the fact that my body is no longer 'perfect' for pregnancy/birth and there is nothing I can do about that. Actually I am fairly certain that all my unease is to do with the aftereffects of the baby bird's birth...it's kind of like a sort of trauma I think where I keep getting flashbacks and I can't control them - their intensity/timing/content. And because I'm tired and hormonal I think I exxagerate it all in my mind - or it feels that way. So I guess the question really is how do you truely deal with the past? I'm good at blocking things out and stuff but I can't really block this one as I am heading for the same potential situation - giving birth. What I want is some kind of peace regarding last time I guess...
Thanks for the advice.
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