comments

thanks for taking me seriously! I really appreciate your comments and am pleased you thought the pictures were so positive - I thought they were pretty positive but you've made me feel even stronger!
here's what i wrote at the time of doing the pictures and reflecting on them;

being pregnant-
my body is large to express both the good and bad sides of being this pregnant...I am uncomfortable and get annoyed by just how big my belly is (I underestimate it often and keep banging into things!) but at the same time I feel absolutely important - everyone else/thing is rushing around doing their jobs and taking part in expectations of society but I am not at all interested and feel work/money/how I'm seen etc is totally unimportant and have a kind of still inner peace which allows me to seperate myself from all that...I am at peace with nature - at one with it which is why my body outline is green like the trees I am surrounded by (the people in contrast are small, ill-defined and grey). The female parts - breasts/womb/vagina are bright pink to show that their time is here and that my body is absolutely naturally made for birthing/nurturing. No head because it is not important - I do not need to think to birth...my body knows how to do it alone and in fact thought may just become inhibitions...the body must take over from the mind. The yellow in and around the womb is positive warmth and pleasure at carrying a child - who is blue and white as it is so peaceful and pure. The figure is centralized to indicate balance and focus....
I hadn't realised I'd omitted arms and feet but I think this is just because I don't see them as being of use particularly in gestating a baby I guess...

fantasy of labour/birth-
I see birth as a purely physical event which I would like to approach in an entirely natural and uninterrupted way. The roof and walls around me represent my strong need for privacy to feel safe, secure and aboe to fully respond to my body's primordeal urges. The walls are black as I feel I need protection from negative outside sources (obstetrics etc). I am naked as there is nowhere to hide in birthing - even from yourself - you can only be what you are as a reproductive animal. Squatting seems natural and a recognition of the need to behave instinctively and without inhibition..it also looks like a strong and balanced position. The black spot is a focus on the central core of being a woman and the turning inwards I feel will be necessary to deal with the pain. It is black because it is not to be taken lightly or underestimated. Inner strength. The red spiral indicates how I see contractions and the way their pain is. They result in the birth of the pure newborn though so they are good and the way the pain seems to encase the baby suggests to me that I feel the pain is a protective device that enures the baby and me work together to complete the birth in the best way possible. The pain is big but manageable. The yellow around us is the joy of the occasion. The cloud for a head indicates the need to act physicaliy rather than responding to 'knowledge' or cultural desires. And that I hope to be ultimately at peace despite what is happening...

birth art

It never seems to be quite the right moment to post these so I'll do it now....seeing as I just got home from my last concert and am now officially on maternity leave.
I found a really lovely book called 'Birthing from Within' which is all about turning inwards and finding your inner strengths with which to approach birth; an idea I've been playing with for ages now. It also has chapter after chapter on the benefits of birth art - which I also found interesting after experiencing that strong urge recently to draw pictures connected to how I am feeling about things. So I've done some of the suggested drawings from the book and written about them to myself and it's really interesting. I feel my pictures have to be done quite quickly or I become a bit too premeditated about them and therefore perhaps a bit false? So instead I draw quite fast and spontaneously for a short time before really looking at what I've done. I think I am becoming more honest in my pictures this way.
So anyway, here they are for you to see and I would love for you to comment on them and perhaps help me understand myself more - or even point out potential negatives you can see as I want to be in a truely strong fram of mind when it comes to birthing...

This first picture was part of me trying to get rid of some orf the negative feelings I had about myself and the birth of the baby bird. It's fairly obvious I think and just one of a few pictures that are all similar.

dressing up at granny's....bedouin?

pulling faces in a bear suit..

god - how i love this serious and funny little girl!
we're back down south for the last leg of work before i become a stay-at-home mum again for the summer (at least). I can't wait for the week to be over. Last week we had a wonderful time playing outside in the sand and sunshine and it has been a real pain driving for hours again today and working with this huge belly. Still, it's lovely for the baby bird who is adoring her time with granny (unknowing it will be the last she has all to herself for a while)....and she even reported to me whilst she was in the bath tonight that she did two poos in the potty today! I'm amazed. I wasn't going to even attempt the potty thing until the summer even though I knew she was pretty much ready and then today she did it all by herself. she's amazing.

it's good at nanny's 'ouse

we were on a miniature train and going round a corner....wooah wooah was what she is saying!

the idyll that can be a child's life in a sunny garden...

it's a bit annoying the top picture just won't post the right way round as she's pulling such a funny face. She spent the whole day refusing to take her swimsuit off - tricky with poo-y pants but we managed...

tea anyone?

stark naked ravens