I found a book called 'mother-daughter wisdom'. I bought it...

worry

Today's been a strange emotional rollercoaster of a day. I've been at work and my husband has had the two girls on his own for the whole day for the first time...harder than you may think seeing as the little moth is not happy about the idea of feeding from a bottle - even if it is breast milk. She protests a lot - which makes the baby bird stressed (what a lovely big sister she is) and then everyone is unhappy. Actually it all went fine and the moth took more than she has previously and everyone semed quite happy when I returned but...


I think it was also my reaction to a radio programme I heard on the way to work about a family who fell apart and rebuilt themselves after an 8 year old child revealed to her mother that her father had sexually abused her. The mother was truely incredible, and the father incredibly frank. It was shocking and moving and thought-provoking...and a little chilling. I have trust issues. Big ones. And I worry every single day that someone has/might/will hurt my babes. Not for one second about their father who is a true gentle giant of a man but I do worry incessantly about it. But today after this programme I began to wonder about my trust issues and how they are negatively affecting my family. I trust no-one but myself absolutely, and although this is ridiculous it is true. I have been unfair to my husband in this respect as although I have never said I don't trust him to make decisions for our children I think the fact I take control at every opportunity has perhaps made him question himself when he has absolutely no need to...thus making him more nervous about the prospect of today than he needed to be. I should relinquish control (my other major problem) and trust him more.


And I worry about my milk supply - I'm tired, a little stressed and perhaps not looking after myself as well as I might be and I worry that the moth is not getting the best nutrition she could be. I am feeling like a bad mother today which makes me sad as it is the most important thing in my life and I want to give my babes everything I can that is good....

aren't they perfect?!