thank you...
Today Jessica I must thank you. I was working with the person I find really irritating again and I was sitting in the orchestra looking across at her with your words racing about in my head. She actually looks a lot like you so the 'reminding me of someone bad' idea doesn't stick and she is so unlike me I can't make the 'the worst of yourself' idea fit either - which left me with the scapegoat idea....which is terrible. And I'm so disturbed by my strong negative thoughts that I thought I MUST do something about this. So I joined a group for tea which included her (a thing I would usually run a mile from) and engineered the situation so that I was sitting opposite from her over the meal. I clenched every part of my body and overcame myself enough to make myself speak to her and look her in the eye. I can't tell you how monumental an effort it was. And it worked. She was very cautious of me to start but I was super nice to her and encouraging - holding out the biggest olive branch europe has ever seen(!) - and she soon mellowed into conversation. I realise now she is very scared of me but I made her feel at ease and now I think she likes me. I am not without some of the strange negative feelings I originally held for her but a lot are dispersed and I no longer feel bad about my own reaction to her. In fact I feel that today has been something of a triumph and the catalyst was you Jessica. I want to thank you by giving you something but I'm not sure how hard it will be for you to do. I want to give you an experience and introduce you to something in my world but because you live so far away you need to get it yourself which I'm not sure you will do. What I want you to do is find a recording of Mahler's 5th Symphony and the 4th movement in particular (entitled adagietto) and I want you to put it in a portable music device and take it to the top of a hill with a good view, on your own, and play it as loud as you can bear (through headphones of course) so you are totally engulfed and coccooned by the music - and I want you to think of all the really good things about human nature and the achievements of collaborative human efforts as you listen and get carried away into a soundworld of love. I want to share it with you as it is one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever. Please try to do it for me?
posted by raven at 10:05 pm
3 Comments:
Now I love blogs even more - that is so cool, raven... a 'small' achievement that represents something really important, i.e. the idea that thinking can turn into action.
I'm going to listen to the Mahler too (if that's OK!). Don't know Mahler very well except for Das Liede von der Erde which I love but haven't listened to for ages. But I might not make it up a hill - especially as there aren't many where I live!
p.s. could you recommend a good recording of Mahler 5 please? thank you!
I'm so happy!!! Everyone please do listen to this most beautiful piece of music. Image soleil - there is a nice recording of the symphony (available on itunes for £7.90) by the Chicago Symphony with Claudio Abbado conducting. And Jessica, there are heaps of recordings of the whole symphony on itunes but if you just wanted the movement I want for you to hear you can get just that track by itself for 79p....bargin for a beautiful experience.
And don't worry Jessica, I won't be spending much time with her at all. I don't go into that orchestra all that often (couple of times a month perhaps) and she still makes me feel a bit funny so I'd rather hang out with the really cool geeky folk anyway. But I can look across and feel proud of her and you and me for making a bit more love....
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