i still can't speak without crying..
posted by raven at 4:41 pm
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
About Me
- Name: raven
- Location: manchester, United Kingdom
I love my daughters. My life is good. Things go wrong..I try to sort them out.
Previous Posts
- experiencing a VERY slow first stage of labour...b...
- ...and waiting...
- i'm ready. i'm waiting.nothing's happening....
- comments
- birth art
- dressing up at granny's....bedouin?
- pulling faces in a bear suit..
- it's good at nanny's 'ouse
- it's a bit annoying the top picture just won't pos...
10 Comments:
That is such an amazing photo... your babies look so contented!
I'm so sorry that you're not doing well... Please write about it as soon as you feel comfortable to. It's hard to imagine you not doing well when I see such beautiful pictures of your children.
Please take good care of yourself, as best you can.. Wish I was there to help you more.
Thinking of you my love,
Haesel xx
oh raven - that face looks wise somehow. I just did a weekend at the shambhala centre a while ago and one of the messages was around hope - that when we want things to be a certain way, we suffer so much when it is different from our picture . . . . . . i know this landscape of hope and fear intimately and i do hope that you are looking after yourself - i know it's so difficult to process your needs while two little people need so much. just one moment at a time, taste the texture of the feelings passing through you and know that it is what it is what it is - just life in its vast array -
sending you and your family warm wishes. I still find it a bit bizarre that i feel this connection to you all - but there it is - one of the mysteries of this universe
and here is a beautiful poem. the 22 year old daughter of good friends of ours died three months ago - her mom loves this poem:
Kindness
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
Naomi Shihab Nye
xo Robin
i wish you two lived closer. i'm struggling and can't let anyone know...
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Raven- I'm so sad to read that you're going through such a hard time! Why don't you write a little post? You know that expressing yourself a little bit in a safe place will help you feel less overwhelmed by your feelings and situation...
I'm thinking of you, and hoping that you're taking care of yourself as best you can these days. With time I think you'll feel better- I guess the hardest part is surviving your feelings that you're experiencing these days.
My brother's out here visiting, btw... Anyway- We're watching "Borat"-
Write again soon...
love you, haesel. xx
I couldn't live any closer, and you could tell me. I know our timetables are out of sync currently but if you could let me in, I would would gratefully enter.
katie xx
Oh Raven!
I've been imagining you settling in to this new phase of motherhood and being flooded with happiness. How wrong people on the outside can be. And I know how terrible it is when everyone assumes you to be happy and expects you to be happy and the happiness just doesn't come. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you find the support you need and that you find someone close by who you can open up to so they can take you in their arms.
I wish you warmth and courage. Life is so torturously hard sometimes but eventually things do always get better, somehow.
IS xxx
I've decided that I won't read your blog for a while so that you can have some privacy and talk this through (if you want to) without feeling exposed and vulnerable. I undestnad that maybe I'm too close and so wantto let you have te space and support you need without the 'curtain twitching neighbour' spying in. My arms may be truncated but they're strong. Love you and take care. xx
Dear Flower
I keep looking to see if you have written. I know I'm silent most of the time, but that doesn't mean I dont think of you every day and wonder how you are.
Love you
Jane xx
http://www.sagapublicartgallery.ca/
under upcoming events is a painting my friend did of freya and i - her sense of me blessing her as she goes into womanhood.
Raven - neither of my birth experiences went well - one was a caesarian and one i ripped so badly they spent 90 minutes stitching me up and then i got infections . . . . . yet 13 years later here is this young woman who is entering her own female journey.
My heart reaches across the mountains and oceans and time zones to send you healing . . . .
xo Robin
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