exposed

So today was interesting...I had been contacted recently by someone who I knew fairly well about 7 years ago - then she went back to canada and we really fell out of contact. Not for any real reason other than we didn't connect enough for us to take the effort to stay in each other's lives. Anyway, she was on her way to Manchester and had somehow gotten my number with the intention of meeting me. I agreed and then as today approached I got more and more apprehensive about it...7 years is a long time and so much has happened that I wondered if there would be anything for us to talk about with any sincerity. And she is a little 'aspirational' in her materialistic tendencies and how she is viewed by society....I would like to think I am not too restricted by how I feel others see me but when I am close to people who are, I realise that their possibly negative/misunderstanding judgements about me matter a lot more than I would like...so I was nervous that she wouldn't understand some of the life choices I have made. Anyway, I assumed that having my little girl with me might dilute the intensity of the meeting. As it was I was unfair in my apprehension and she had mellowed with experience and seemed to be much more receptive to ideas other than her own (some of which I will never get however much I try). She was lovely with my daughter (apart from hitching her little dress up round her ribs so her delightfully round little belly was exposed to the crowds!)..

...which made me like her more and we actually got on so well I was sad for the meeting to end and felt we really had a lot more to talk about. So what did I learn? That I am more unsure of myself that I thought I was - even though I feel quite happy with the life I have chosen. That I pre-judged her which is much worse than any kind of rational judgement she could have made of me on meeting. That how people treat my daughter really affects how I feel about them. That I have pessimistic tendencies. That I should never let apprehension get in the way of an experience as it is rarely as negative as I imagine it will be. It's good to learn....